Emotional Resilience- Communication

To be assertive means to communicate respect for yourself and for whom you are communicating with at the same time. An assertive person communicates freely, but in a respectful, non-threatening manner. Assertiveness is a balancing act, requiring thoughtfulness and social awareness.

Essential to emotional well-being as it breeds positive thoughts and mindset.- sense of clarity and certainty.There are two ways tend to produce stress and prolong unnecessary conflicts:

·      Aggressive approach to others- makes accusations and threats that intimidate certain responses. Shows lack of respect for those who feel threatened.

·      Passive approach-accepting threats and accusations without challenge or confrontation. Shows a lack of respect.

Assertiveness however helps you to communicate more effectively, minimizing stressful situations to develop. It acts like aggressive communication except that person is defensive rather than offensive. Instead of degrading themselves (like passive) they are able to defend themselves against degradation and stand up for themselves, showing self-respect. Shows confidence.

Tips:

Make an explicit request.

Let people know how you are feeling, in order to communicate what to do to help. People tend to be good at expressing their emotions, but not as good at the request part of confrontation of a situation.

They may be feeling very emotional and simply in the mood to accuse. Alternatively, they may make demands instead of requests which are off-putting and which alienate the listener. They may be afraid to ask for what they want out of fear of rejection. There may be an assumption that there should be no need to make requests because what is being requested should be obvious. What helps is to make your point come across explicitly and in an non-demanding, respectful manner.

Be aware of your entitlements and assumptions. Everyone sees the world from a different angle, a different perspective. This is where difference in opinion comes in on how to do things.. A mismatch of assumptions can lead people to get upset when other people don’t do things that they feel should be done. In reality, unless you have let others no of your expectations, you should not be obliged to be upset if they don’t meet your expectations.

Be aware of your emotions. Your emotional state affects how you communicate where it is more likely to convey that emotion you’re feeling at present when communicating. Be aware of your moods and emotions and use this information and knowledge to try to tone down the impact of negative emotions. Look at it from the perspective of another person. Even if it takes time, work on making your requests sound respectful yet firm. “Saying what you have to say in a respectful way increases your chances of being heard and understood.”

* In a ballet company, part of any stage requires respect- respect to teacher, choreographer and director when casting and rehearsing, respect to the conductor and stage crew, costumiers and co-workers (especially those of a higher status.) Sometimes though if there is a situation that needs to be sorted, ancers can be scared to communicate their problem fully which will hinder them to fully sorting everything out. To be able to be respectful but heard seems to be a good approach.

E,g. having to take a step with my injury in order to move forward was hard, but had to show them that this was the best way to get back to dancing fully. I was scared they would not give me a chance. That is the same mentality when it comes to injury, because yes it is a set back. It does delay practicing or dancing roles, proving yourself, and does set risk of being pulled out. But if there is a mutual understanding between the dancer and the directorship, support and care for the dancer should override other risks…

Be aware of how your audience reacts.  Negative reactions to what you have to say may be an indication that you are making demands rather than requests. People interprete things differently– but by and large, if you've succeeded in asking assertively, you will find that people respond positively to you. Be aware of their body language. Understanding from the llistener is less likely when there are feelings of resent or guilt. Do what you can to acknowledge the point of view of people you disagree with, even when you disagree with them.

Mills, H., Dombeck, M., June 2005. Emotional Resilience, MentalHelp.net (online). Available at: 
http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=5792&cn=298