“Most fears of rejection rest on the desire for approval from other people. Don’t base your self-esteem on their opinions.” – Harvey Mackay

Reconcile With Your Self-Esteem

This information was sourced from another great post by Tony Fahkry about rejection. There are physical affects from the feeling of rejection and jealousy- heart beats fast, a sensation to flee (fight or flight, instinct), painful knots in the stomach etc. Although it can create ‘emotional trauma,’ the willingness to accept and move on teaches a person some good life lessons and skills for later adversities and experiences.

Rejection mainly affects one’s self esteem and confidence where our fight or flight system is activated shortly after certain emotions are felt, while the brain is trying to make sense of the situation

Fahkry makes a very good point of maybe analyzing these type of situations and feelings differently where,” rejection is rarely about you and more in keeping with the person offering the rejection.”

This is mainly because the person rejecting someone else rarely knows whom he or she is rejecting.

It is so true, and I am sure everyone could agree, that it is a substantial task on its own to be dealing with one’s own challenges, thus hardly pay attention to the other’s emotions. “To be mindful of other people’s feelings as well as our own can be stifling…What you see is not what you get as it relates to one’s emotional constitution.” (Fahkry, T. 2014)

Dealing with rejection in a healthy way requires a certain level of emotional intelligence, which is a skill needed in order to maintain resilience. How someone deals with rejection should become their primary motivation, as if dealt with negatively ‘it can embitter one’s emotional well-being in countless ways.’(Fahkry, T. 2014)

People tend to victimize themselves with rejection by putting the blame on them, and feeling a lack of self-worthiness.  Rejection can brood on negative emotions within the mind and body if unattended, where a person tends to focus on their flaws and insecurities.Reframing rejection does not take away the core feelings and emotions it gives you. Instead it is advised to transform those feelings into useful and empowering actions, and see rejection as a process of letting in new opportunities. A unique approach to dealing with rejection is to think of putting yourself out there, i.e. being confident. It not only promotes a healthier mental awareness but it helps a person to look past the feelings of rejection.

What helps to steer your way through rejection is looking at it as a simple way of communicating the fact that it is ‘not meant for me.’ INstead tend to your needs and desires rather than causing emotional distress on one’s self and on others

Ask the following questions:

 “How can I turn this rejection into an empowering state?”

“Am I really being rejected or am I self-imposing unresolved emotions?”

“Who do I need to become to be more valuable to others?”

“Why do I feel hurt by these feelings of rejection?

“Is there something else beneath the surface that I must attend to?”

·      It is a known truth that one can only be rejected if they give the power to someone else to do so. It reminds us of our true wants and needs.

·      Unfortunately positivity is not always of value since it can negate thoughts associated with rejection as they are masked with positive thinking. Instead, with keeping a positive state of mind, it is best to look at rejection as an opportunity to look deep within one’s self and find a better opportunity.

Don’t Take Anything Personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.” – Don Miguel Ruiz

Fahkry, T. August 2014. Rejection is not about you, tonyfahkry.com. (online) Available at: http://www.tonyfahkry.com/rejection/